Finding A Penny

I had a dream about her the other day. Doesn't surprise me really. She has been on my mind lately and I don't know why. It was a simple dream. Just the two of us. I couldn't see her face but knew it was her by the sound of her voice. She just talked. I remember listening intently. She was really into what she was saying. Very animated. Her pitch raised and lowered with every word. I do not remember what she was saying. I just remember how she made me feel. I was content just listening. In fact I don't remember uttering a single word. She went on and on and I was enjoying every minute of it.

As the sun started to shine through my window I began to awake from my dream. I was in that silent lucid state where I was aware of my surroundings yet I could still hear her talk. I tried desperately to control my dream. I wanted it to go on. I didn't want this to end. Slowly but surely and no matter how hard I tried to fight it I awoke. I continued to lay there quietly trying my best to remember everything. Her sound. Her smell. Her presence. I was sad it was over.

Ever see that movie Somewhere In Time? That moment when Richard found the penny in his change pocket? That is how I felt. Having this beautiful moment of complete bliss then having it dashed by reality. Snapped from my inner world of hope and tranquility only to awaken back into my lonely bed. Seems so tragic. But life goes on and I pulled myself out of bed and went on with my day.

I think it's normal from time to time to reminisce about the past. I don't dwell on it much like I used to do. Letting her go was the hardest thing for me. Dreams like this, though, remind me that my feelings for her were real. I know there is a huge part of me that misses her still. Wonders how she is doing and if she ever thinks of me. Maybe someday I will know.

I do not know what lay in store for me. I do not know which path I will follow. All I do know is I will keep walking. Praying that my footsteps will be guided. Having faith that someday I will understand why I am where I am at this time in my life. Hoping to have the woman that I love and adore next to me during the day to battle life's uncertainties and at night to comfort each other, even in our dreams.