Patience and Virtue

Why am I down today? What's triggered these feelings of emptiness? Seeing my ex? Hearing a love song? Seeing someone get kissed? The scent of a woman? Could be many things I guess. They say patience is a virtue. At times I feel I am running out of both. Patience or Virtue? They seem to go hand in hand cause if I lose patience I may lose virtue. If I remain virtuous I may be lonely forever. Hell of a catch 22.

They say all good things come to those that wait. Just sit idly by and let love land on your shoulder like a butterfly. When you least expect it, it will come. Not sure if I believe that though. Last I looked I don't have any butterflies in my house. So if I don't go outside how will one land on my shoulder? Be at the right place at the right time? Yeah that makes me feel better.

I guess it's safe to say I am in a rut. Not with it. Not feeling it. Getting frustrated. I miss being loved. Having a love song. Being kissed. Smelling her as she walks by. Holding hands. Why do these elude me so? I am not perfect. I am not looking for perfect. Is there really not one for me? Just one! Not asking for much here.

OK. I'll stop bitching. Sometimes I just can't help but let these feelings out. It doesn't make me feel any better but at least I'm not harboring how I feel. I will take a deep breath and remember the words of the prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." Or in the words of Epictetus: "Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens."

I'll do my best.

Days On End (Originally Written April 6th, 2009; Modified Sept 04, 2013)

There are days I feel so overwhelmed.
There are days I feel like I can't make it.
There are days I wonder why today?
There are days I wish would never come.

Those are The days I don't want to get out of bed.
Those are The days I just can't sleep.
Those are The days I wonder is this all there is?
Those are The days I can't wait to end.

That's when I wonder why I get so down.
That's when I remember what I have been taught.
That's when I discover what else I need to do.
That's when I am lifted up.

Then I feel moved.
Then I feel strengthened.
Then I feel His peace.
Then I am renewed.

These are the days I wake up for.
These are the days I know I can make it through.
These are the days I know there are no more questions.
These are the days I live for.

Nowhere To Stop (originally written April 28, 2010)

It's dark here.
This place where I live.
Huddled in a corner
like a child.
Quiet.
Wondering where life
has gone.
Going in circles
with nowhere to stop.
I am alone.
Loved and lost.
Lost without love.
Where are you?
Come find me.
Listen for my heart
and bring in the light.