My Inner Battle

I live with two people and it is driving me crazy. Both of them want to rule my life. These two are so different but they are each powerful in their own way. They are also inconsistent. On any given day one will be dominant and the next day the other will be. I think this is a good definition of Yin and Yang. What I hate is that I can't seem to control either of them. They control me and that's what is so frustrating.

Case in point. Saturday as I was walking in Wal-Mart I decided to go into the section where the eyeglasses are at. I have a new prescription and need to find a cheap pair of glasses. Where else better to find anything cheap than Wal-Mart, right? Anyway I go in and start looking at frames. I knew when I walked in that there was a woman behind the counter and she was talking with another women and her little girl. I could tell they were friends by the type of conversation they were having. As I was looking at the frames my eye caught a glimpse of the woman at the counter in the mirror. I thought to myself, "wow, she's cute." I continued looking at frames and every so often found myself looking in the mirror again to catch another glimpse. OK, she was REALLY cute.

Finally I was done looking at frames when I heard the woman behind the counter ask her if she was dating anyone. Well, my ears heard that so I turned and kept looking at frames even though I was concentrating on the conversation this time and couldn't even tell you what kind of frames I was looking at. "No" came the response. "I'm getting tired of looking to be honest with you." Well, that was enough for me. All I wanted to do was go and introduce myself but that wanted deed started the battle of my Yin and Yang.

Yin said to me "Boy if you don't go over there and say hi I'm going to kick your ass." My Yang said to me "Jamie, dude, what are you thinking? What can you possibly offer her?" And with that thought, Yang defeated Yin. I put the frames back on the shelf, turned around and walked out of the store taking one last glance of a very beautiful woman that I may never see again.

Damn you Yang! One of these days you are going down. One of these days Yin is going to look you in the eye and say, "Oh hell no, it's my time. Back off!" And with that little encouragement I just might have the kahonnies to walk up and say something as simple as "hi". So, know that I am coming after you. I am working daily on making my Yin stronger. I don't need Yin to be in control all of the time but I need him to be well strengthened because Yang is powerful. I want to be able to stand instead of sit. Speak instead of being silent. And most importantly, have courage. I hate being afraid.