My dearest love. I have been thinking a lot about you lately. I again find myself alone and in need of your company. Things have been a little difficult these past few days. You know, the usual stuff. I stay up late. I sleep late. I have no dreams. My mind is just to bogged down with the things of this world that bother me more than they would another man. Not sure why I let some things get to me and I wish I had some answers. I know life is designed to throw a curve every now and then but it just seems to have been happening more and more often and I can't get a handle on it.
I wake in the morning alone without you and it sets my day off on the wrong foot. It just doesn't seem right. I lay there with my eyes open and my hand on the other side of the bed waiting, wishing, you were here to take it. To me, there is nothing better than the touch of you. To watch you sleep, to listen to you breathe is heavenly. It's an overwhelming feeling to know that you and I are together. It's spiritual. Divine. Natural.
I have never had this before and It is new to me but never in my life did I feel that I would be so blessed as to have a mate for my soul. When we are together, and we look into each other, we are one. I know what you are thinking before you say it. Every deed that we do shows how much we love each other. You are my companion, my friend, my lover to the end and beyond.
My dearest love I miss you so. We are not together and I don't know if we have ever met in this life. I only get out of bed each morning with the hopes that when I look upon you for the first time our souls will speak to each other and our hearts and minds will follow. Together we will joyfully get through this life. I may still have times of trial and doubt but with you, my love, I will fear nothing. And at the end of the day, when we lay together, hand in hand, I will sleep, and we shall dance in my dreams.
I love you,
Jamie
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
A Cardboard Miracle.
Hard to believe it has been since October since my last post. Sorry about that. Not sure of the real reason. I have been kind of busy. Either that or I have had nothing different to write about. Seems like all I say is depressing. I think I got tired of hearing myself think. Can only imagine what my followers thought. The last thing I want is for my friends to keep saying "there he goes again. Same ol depressing stuff."
Oh well. It is what it is. Someone once asked Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20, why, even though he is married to a beautiful woman, has a great career and living the dream, is all his music so damn depressing. His response made since to me. Maybe because I have battled depression but he felt it was hard for him to write about being happy even though he is happy. Most of his memories as a child revolved around a mother that was ill with cancer. When he writes he draws on those emotions to help him deliver a message in his music. Though his music may be about sad things, he always seems to make the outcome of what he is writing about end peaceful or happy. Uplifting is a better way to say it, I guess.
I think I know what he means. Sometimes I see things that are sad and hard for someone to endure. But the end result brings peace to someone who is troubled. Perfect example would be a video a friend of mine posted on facebook today. It is a commercial for a web company but I thought the message was incredible. The video shows a blind man sitting by some steps in a bustling part of town. People passing him by as if he is not even there. He sits on a flat piece of cardboard with a small tin can for him to put any money that someone may throw his way. The sign next to him reads "I am blind. Please help." Every so often someone would drop a coin in front of him and he would have to search for it so he could put it in his tin can. Along comes a woman who at first is like all the others and passes him by. She stops and comes back to the man. She bends down and picks up his sign and with a marker she begins to write another message on the other side of it. As she is writing the old man reaches forward and feels her shoes, trying to get a since of who was in front of him. She finishes writing and puts the sign down and walks away. leaving the old man clueless as to what just happened. All of a sudden people begin emptying their pockets of change and dropping it in front of him. There is so much money coming to him that he has a hard time keeping up with it all. He is overwhelmed with what is happening to him. Some time passes by and the woman returns. She walks up and stands in front of him. Hearing her walk up he leans over again and feels her shoes. He looks up and asks, "What did you do to my sign?" She stoops down to the old man and says, "I said the same, just used different words." As she stands up and walks away you see the writing on the sign. It now reads, "It's a beautiful day. And I can't see it."
I think what strikes me about this video (which is on my FB profile page if you want to see it) is at times we are all blind in this world. Some of us are literally blind. Others choose to be blind. How many people passed him by with out a second glance? It's a shame that so many of us, me included may have just kept ourselves in our own little bubble and paid no attention to someone in need. It didn't take a lot of effort on the woman's part. Just a couple of minutes of her time turned into a miracle for the old man. I think a very important lesson.
Sometimes i look at myself and where I am in my own life. I am not happy and have what feels like a long way to go to be happy. I miss the sound of my own laughter and knowing that something I do or say will lift someone else. I have tried and tried to find myself. I am out there somewhere, I just don't know where to look. To be honest, I'm tired of looking. I have for a long time told people and have used as an excuse that I need to find myself first, THEN I can help others. What I have found with this way of thinking is that I think to myself that I will never be good enough so I put off helping someone else. It brings out pride and laziness and does nothing else but bring about more depression and sadness.
So what is the cure? The fix? I have heard for years to loose yourself in the service of others or better yet, "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God." Sound familiar? I know. It does to me too. Sometimes, taking off the blinders I have on is a hard thing to do. Am I too afraid of seeing the old man at the foot of the stairs with a tin can looking for alms or am I more ashamed of seeing the man I have become? Funny thing though, I really don't think the old man cares.
Oh well. It is what it is. Someone once asked Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20, why, even though he is married to a beautiful woman, has a great career and living the dream, is all his music so damn depressing. His response made since to me. Maybe because I have battled depression but he felt it was hard for him to write about being happy even though he is happy. Most of his memories as a child revolved around a mother that was ill with cancer. When he writes he draws on those emotions to help him deliver a message in his music. Though his music may be about sad things, he always seems to make the outcome of what he is writing about end peaceful or happy. Uplifting is a better way to say it, I guess.
I think I know what he means. Sometimes I see things that are sad and hard for someone to endure. But the end result brings peace to someone who is troubled. Perfect example would be a video a friend of mine posted on facebook today. It is a commercial for a web company but I thought the message was incredible. The video shows a blind man sitting by some steps in a bustling part of town. People passing him by as if he is not even there. He sits on a flat piece of cardboard with a small tin can for him to put any money that someone may throw his way. The sign next to him reads "I am blind. Please help." Every so often someone would drop a coin in front of him and he would have to search for it so he could put it in his tin can. Along comes a woman who at first is like all the others and passes him by. She stops and comes back to the man. She bends down and picks up his sign and with a marker she begins to write another message on the other side of it. As she is writing the old man reaches forward and feels her shoes, trying to get a since of who was in front of him. She finishes writing and puts the sign down and walks away. leaving the old man clueless as to what just happened. All of a sudden people begin emptying their pockets of change and dropping it in front of him. There is so much money coming to him that he has a hard time keeping up with it all. He is overwhelmed with what is happening to him. Some time passes by and the woman returns. She walks up and stands in front of him. Hearing her walk up he leans over again and feels her shoes. He looks up and asks, "What did you do to my sign?" She stoops down to the old man and says, "I said the same, just used different words." As she stands up and walks away you see the writing on the sign. It now reads, "It's a beautiful day. And I can't see it."
I think what strikes me about this video (which is on my FB profile page if you want to see it) is at times we are all blind in this world. Some of us are literally blind. Others choose to be blind. How many people passed him by with out a second glance? It's a shame that so many of us, me included may have just kept ourselves in our own little bubble and paid no attention to someone in need. It didn't take a lot of effort on the woman's part. Just a couple of minutes of her time turned into a miracle for the old man. I think a very important lesson.
Sometimes i look at myself and where I am in my own life. I am not happy and have what feels like a long way to go to be happy. I miss the sound of my own laughter and knowing that something I do or say will lift someone else. I have tried and tried to find myself. I am out there somewhere, I just don't know where to look. To be honest, I'm tired of looking. I have for a long time told people and have used as an excuse that I need to find myself first, THEN I can help others. What I have found with this way of thinking is that I think to myself that I will never be good enough so I put off helping someone else. It brings out pride and laziness and does nothing else but bring about more depression and sadness.
So what is the cure? The fix? I have heard for years to loose yourself in the service of others or better yet, "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God." Sound familiar? I know. It does to me too. Sometimes, taking off the blinders I have on is a hard thing to do. Am I too afraid of seeing the old man at the foot of the stairs with a tin can looking for alms or am I more ashamed of seeing the man I have become? Funny thing though, I really don't think the old man cares.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
