I wish you could see inside,
All the things you want to hide.
The things of your heart.
The things of your mind.
They're tearing you apart.
I see in your eyes and I know,
You carry many sorrows.
Hidden behind that smile
A little girl that wants to grow,
If only for a little while.
She sings and laughs and plays.
Like there's not a care in her days.
Hula hoops and jumping jacks.
When did it all go away?
Memories stored in a sack.
Tears will fall
As you kneel at the wall.
Oh, God in Heaven. Where art thou?
Please answer my call.
With all thy might please show me how.
I wish you could see inside,
All the things you want to hide.
Let them go
And you will grow.
And forever with me abide.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Broken Hearts Beating
Have I ever really been in love? Am I really all that different? Demanding? Do I have my sights set so high that I lose focus on what's in front of me? I really can't be that bad of a guy. I've seen worse. I saw this guy today with a long, stringy beard. Dirty. Rough looking. Holes in his jeans. T-Shirt. Holding hands with a beautiful woman. Really? What makes them gel? Is she desperate? Lonely? Is he a saint in wolfs clothing? What does he have? It boggles my mind that two people that look completely different can be together. Be in love.
This week has been a bit difficult. I have been seeing a woman lately that is just amazing. She's beautiful. Gifted. Selfless. Loving. Caring. She smells so good. Gosh. Shes a member of the church. All of these things are important to me. I fell. Not clumsily to the ground or had a relapse of some bad addiction. But in love. Well, what I thought to be love. And there for awhile I thought she loved me too. I was happy. We danced. Held hands. Had deep, meaningful conversations. And when we kissed, oh how I was in heaven. She has beautiful eyes. She knows that and to tell her that is not original. All men have said it to her. But her eyes, to me, are more lovely when they are closed. Sometimes, when we kissed, I would open my eyes to look at her and her eyes were always closed. Eyes closed during a kiss means only one thing; Enjoyment. If she ever opened her eyes when we kissed she would have seen my enjoyment that's for sure.
Lately though things took a turn for the worse. It's hard for me to deal with it. I feel kind of lost. We have talked about it and we agreed that we will back off for awhile to see if this is really what we want. There are many reasons here that I will not go into. Right now we need space. What's hard about that is, she is my friend. I loved getting text messages from her just letting me know what was on her mind at that time. Lyrics to songs she was listening to. Crazy things people say or do at work. All that has suddenly stopped. The other day she posted a picture of herself on facebook. My heart sank as I sat there starring at this beautiful woman and I felt that I couldn't even tell her how pretty she was. Such a shame. I fear I have not only lost a love but also a friend. I hope that this is a temporary thing. She made me happy.
I am a believer in faith and hope. I believe that sometimes things take awhile to mesh together. Pearls are not made overnight. Diamonds need pressure to sparkle. A broken heart needs time to heal. Mine? Hers? I will say both. Love cannot exist in a broken sphere. So as long as the second hands continues to tick on by, I will wait. I will wait for my heart to heal. I will wait for hers. I want to be in love. And maybe, just maybe, this time, I will know what love really is, for the very first time.
This week has been a bit difficult. I have been seeing a woman lately that is just amazing. She's beautiful. Gifted. Selfless. Loving. Caring. She smells so good. Gosh. Shes a member of the church. All of these things are important to me. I fell. Not clumsily to the ground or had a relapse of some bad addiction. But in love. Well, what I thought to be love. And there for awhile I thought she loved me too. I was happy. We danced. Held hands. Had deep, meaningful conversations. And when we kissed, oh how I was in heaven. She has beautiful eyes. She knows that and to tell her that is not original. All men have said it to her. But her eyes, to me, are more lovely when they are closed. Sometimes, when we kissed, I would open my eyes to look at her and her eyes were always closed. Eyes closed during a kiss means only one thing; Enjoyment. If she ever opened her eyes when we kissed she would have seen my enjoyment that's for sure.
Lately though things took a turn for the worse. It's hard for me to deal with it. I feel kind of lost. We have talked about it and we agreed that we will back off for awhile to see if this is really what we want. There are many reasons here that I will not go into. Right now we need space. What's hard about that is, she is my friend. I loved getting text messages from her just letting me know what was on her mind at that time. Lyrics to songs she was listening to. Crazy things people say or do at work. All that has suddenly stopped. The other day she posted a picture of herself on facebook. My heart sank as I sat there starring at this beautiful woman and I felt that I couldn't even tell her how pretty she was. Such a shame. I fear I have not only lost a love but also a friend. I hope that this is a temporary thing. She made me happy.
I am a believer in faith and hope. I believe that sometimes things take awhile to mesh together. Pearls are not made overnight. Diamonds need pressure to sparkle. A broken heart needs time to heal. Mine? Hers? I will say both. Love cannot exist in a broken sphere. So as long as the second hands continues to tick on by, I will wait. I will wait for my heart to heal. I will wait for hers. I want to be in love. And maybe, just maybe, this time, I will know what love really is, for the very first time.
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