Once I Was Loved

I don't know where this is going but I have a need to write. I just feel it stirring in me I guess. So here we are. A new year is upon us. I can't really tell if last year went by quickly or if it took forever to end. Either way it's over. I have a lot of fond memories for the last year. Memories I hope to never forget. I have a lot to be grateful for.

I have had many ups and downs. I want to say the ups were so superior to the downs because the were absolutely amazing. It is easy sometimes to get lost in the negativity that comes our way and it helps blind what is or was so good in our lives. I wish for a moment to elaborate on something that happened to me this past year that was beyond anything I could have hoped for. Although there are many more. My kids especially. Maybe one day I'll blog about them. Their stores are a little more private though so we'll see.

For anyone that has read my posts from before know I have always questioned on whether or not I have ever been loved. Real love. True love. It seemed to have always presented itself with fancy ornaments or clever disguises but was never the real thing. This year though and maybe for just a brief moment in time I knew beyond doubt that I was loved. And it was the best feeling that I have ever had. The kind where the thought of someone would just light up your whole countenance. The kind that left you tingling down your spine. I have heard of that kind before but always thought it was so cliche'ish but it describes it perfectly. Once I felt it I never wanted to lose it. Ever.

When I thought of her my future seemed like the whitest and fullest of moons shinning down on me from a pitch black sky. I was not afraid as I could see everything around me. I could look upon her beauty and not be scared or blinded. And when she touched me, oh the heaven I was in. I loved the way her hand felt in mine. The way her lips pressed against mine. And when she spoke words of adoration my heart just melted. She was always looking out for my comfort. Giving of her substance just to see me smile. I have never felt so in tune with anyone my entire life. And for those briefest of moments, I was happy.

I do not know what the future holds. I do not know where this will eventually go. As with so many other things last year this up in my life seemed to short lived. Right now we are apart trying to figure some things out. I do remain hopeful that someday things will not be just as they were but better. I saw us together for many years to come. Loving and sharing moments not only with us but with our children as well. I know without doubt that families are forever, no matter how they are forged.

But then there is the down side. Things may never be the way they were before and as much as that hurts this glued together heart of mine I know I will be ok. It will take some time I'm sure as it always does with me. But when I sit and reflect on the relationship I had with this God send of a woman in my life I will always, always be thankful that even for one small moment in this long life of mine, I was loved. And I will never forget it.