The book I read to mother

Summer is coming to a close, I thought to myself. Not knowing if I really meant the seasons were changing or if I knew somehow that life was about to end. Staring out of the window I could see leaves beginning to change color. The sky had such a deep red shade to it. Birds were flying south and as I gazed upon them in the window I saw my reflection. I was so young then. Scared. Helpless. Nothing I could do would ease the strain that was upon me.

In my gaze was my mothers bed. Tubes and bags hanging off the side. Listening to her breathe was as hard to do as her breathing was itself. Short, gasps of what she would soon no longer need. I turned and asked if there was anything I could do to make her comfortable. Her arms had sores on it from just laying there lifeless on the bed. She said, can you raise my arm up? It hurts. Yes mom I can. I lifted her arm up so she could rest it on her forehead. She had no strength in that arm. Hadn't for years. So I stood there and held it for her. I don't recall for how long but after awhile she said OK and I put it back down. She took a deep breath and called my name over and over again. It was as if she wanted me to fix her but I couldn't. She was scared but as much as she could she hid that from me.

I sat down beside her bed and began to read to her from the scriptures. She loved the scriptures but because of her handicap she couldn't read from them very often. So as my last act of service to her I read to her about Christ. It was very hard for me. To think that I was reading to her something that she has always known. Mom had great faith and although she was the one dying she took time to comfort me. She knew where she was going and she knew soon she wouldn't feel pain anymore. And in some way I think that was all she cared about. We would be alright without her. All of us. Her children. And in her last days she provided the ultimate example of Faith.

I finished reading and had to go. I stood up and held her hand and told her I would be back tomorrow and we would continue reading. She said that was fine. So I left the Book in her chair and gathered my things. I stooped down and kissed her on the cheek. Told her to get some rest and headed toward the door. When I got there I turned and said, "I love you Mom." She said, "I love you, too." Those were the last words I would ever hear her say.

When I returned the next day she was unable to speak. Unable to recognize me. Her eyes opened but briefly before falling back into her sleep. We all stayed until about midnight. Early the next morning my sister called to say, "she's gone." My heart sank both with sadness and great joy. Sad that she was gone but oh so glad she was not hurting anymore. My mothers struggles were over. She now rests in peace and is living again beyond the veil with her family long since gone.

One of my greatest joys in life came the moment she spoke her last words to me. "I love you, too", she said. Too. The keyword in that sentence, because it tells me that the last thing she would ever hear me say to her was "I love you." How grateful I am to know that my mother, on her last days on earth knew without doubt of my love for her.

I think of her often especially this time of year. Summer's gone. The air has a chill. The leaves are changing color. Seasons come and seasons go but my undying love for mother will always be there. She left ten years ago today but her presence is always near. Watching over me. Reminding me of the power of the book and the lessons that are there. One day we will see each other again. This time there will be no refection in a window but face to face. What a glorious day that will be.