My main focus with my blog is to express thoughts on the topic of healing. I have found that when I write down all the pains and emotions that I am going through they tend not to linger around. It's therapeutic. In fact there is a website called writingtoheal.com that tells how to write down your thoughts and feelings effectively so you can heal and be able to let certain pains from this life go. It's an absolute amazing thing. To be able to let go and be free.
I have struggled, as most of my friends know, from a very painful divorce. I limped along in life after I left the comforts of my own home to a life of so much uncertainty and doubt. I tried to figure out how I was going to be able to overcome those thoughts of guilt that completely bogged me down. Guilt you ask? Well most divorces don't just happen because two people fall out of love with each other. There usually is someone or both in a marriage that has done something wrong to warrant the end of the union. I'm not here to discuss it but to discuss the need to heal from it.
I have often wondered how I was going to rid myself of all the misery that I put myself into. How was I going to heal? How was I going to be "whole" and what does being "whole" mean anyway? I have a friend that talks constantly about her healing and how "whole" she is now. I long for the personal revelation to what that means in my life and how I will be able to say it about me. She does yoga. Do I have to do yoga too to be whole? Heaven forbid. I have a hard time just getting out of bed in the morning. She eats sushi. Sushi? Please. If it ain't deep fried I'm not touching fish, well, at least cooked.
Since my separation I have found many new friends and for one reason or another they tell me about the problems and pains that they are going through. It is so easy to express problems with others who are also going through hardships. It's like we relate to each other and I am so grateful for my friends both new and old. You have been there for me in my trials and have helped me tremendously. I only hope I have been there for you as well. I have found a place in my heart for you and long for your recovery as much as my own.
So that leads me to what I would like to discuss. I'm very interested in hearing what you have done in your lives to overcome those things that have brought you down in your life. Whether it was something you did or has happened to you from the fault of others, death, depression and so forth. I'm not looking to know what your problems are or were as much as I am looking to learn how you healed. Was it a close friend who gave you advise and who's shoulder you cried on, was it a song you heard, council from a spiritual adviser, religion, yoga, prayer? Whatever?
For me, I still long to be completely healed. To be whole. To be able to wake up some morning and know that I am loved. That I am happy. That I am forgiven. That I am not bogged down by memories of my personal failures. I'm not there yet but firmly believe I am on the right path. And at the end of this path I am finally able to let go, live and be free.
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Jamie,
ReplyDeleteWe all fail at something. But we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and go on. The road is not easy, but we trudge along. We learn from those mistakes and try and not make them again. If we learned something from that mistake whether it be big or small, then we are on the right road to healing. Keep trudging.
Jamie...you are on the right path. We all have our trials, but I remember my dad telling me years ago that "the strongest people have the hardest trials". I remember that when I am going through something. I don't give up because I remember I must be strong if I have to deal with this trial. So...you must be strong too. Keep on "keepin' on"! We love you. -Beth Moore
ReplyDeleteJamie, I don't know about any one else but myself. For me I had to forgive myself. This is easier said than done, but it is the ONLY thing that healed me completely. All the therapy helped, all the councelling helped, prayer helped, but everything came down to something said to me "forgive yourself, go and sin no more". Once I did that, I was whole again.
ReplyDeleteSuch good advise above. Why do we pay for therapy sessions?? You have very wise friends (and family) :-)
ReplyDeleteMy spritual leader, when I finally broke down and spoke to him abt issues I have been struggling with, just kept reminding me that "It will get better"...."It will be okay"..."You will come through this". At first, through my sobbing, I could not understand how anything was going to be better. I felt I could not take it anymore. He then reminded me that after we have done all we can, the Lord will take it from there. I began to understand that I am just one person and it is ok to be myself. To stop making excuses and try to find happiness. To try and stop over compensating for mistakes I have made in the past. As Rafiki says...it does not matter - it is in the past. Well, that is not 100% correct, it does matter, however we need to ask forgiveness for our mistakes, fix what we can and move on. You are one terrific person in my eyes and I love you very much. Know that we are always here for you.
Hi my old friend,I had wrote you this long epistole and before I could save it my internet connection was lost so i think that maybe that was The Lords way of saying shorten it up. So I will I cant imagine all your going through or maybe I can only imagine. Help this iw what we seek for in lifes trials some understanding that makes it seem clear and acceptable. Sometimes though there is no rym or reason that will ever make since. My trial you know about my health? Dialysis is a draining process litteraly. I stopped feeling that it was the end of the world when I stopped looking at my situation and looked at others around me going through the same thing when i realized how well off I had it in comparison. So many of them are going blind cant walk and or have had far greater sickness than me. nN NOT A PERFECT PEACE BUT ACCEPTANCE, and I believe that will bring you peace in time. as far as forgivness goes D:C 31:5 I believe asnwers this question or better yet offers a solution. I will pray for your peace and the return of your joy. Though I believe you want have to look far infact it may already be there now, you just have on the wrong glasses. May be time to change your prescription.
ReplyDeleteAfter all these years I still look up to you
Ben
Jamie, you wake up every morning being loved by so many and most importantly, you are loved by Him. Him who as suffered your pains, suffered your grief and guilt, suffered for your sins. He has done that for me as well. That is what healed me. Him. Without Him, we would be nothing. We can't save ourselves, we can't make ourselves perfect, but with Him, we can. He is the infinite perfection to our finite imperfection.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful person gave me a book a few years ago called Following Christ. It speaks of the Atonement and how it works in our lives. What a lot of people don't understand is that we spend so much of our time trying to be perfect and save ourselves that we forget who actually does the saving and the perfecting. Him. When we enter into the baptismal covenant we have brought to the table our limited, finite ability to make our self whole. He brings His infinite Love, Grace, Mercy, and Perfection. If you add any number (us,imperfect) to infinity (Christ,Perfect) what does it equal? Why it equals infinity of course! So you see, we are already whole, we are already saved, we are already perfected...in Christ! All He asks in return is that we give Him all we have. So if all it takes is one dollar to get to Heaven and all I have is 32 cents or all you have is 53 cents, it doesn't matter, He makes up the rest!
I guess what I am trying to say is to not beat yourself up over things that have happened. Give them to Him who is mighty to save and let Him deal with it, because He has already.
I love you brother.
Jerry
I have been through the ringer myself time after time. To "heal" and get past it is a personal thing. What works for me persoanlly is to write it down. To put down in writing how and what exactly it is that I feel. Then to help me feel better I look for ways to make others happy. It sounds corny I know but when I know that someone is happier because of something I did or said, I can't feel bad. The moment lasts a few minutes at first then it last longer and longer till it is pushing the negative out. And it is negative Jamie. Loving others is not something you "have to" do, but it is the tonic that helps me. Give it a shot and see how it works for you.
ReplyDeleteLove you buddy,
-m-
there is a quote "You have to go through to get to." and that has proven true for me..but there are ways to make that process easier. Having gone through an abusive marriage, and then the painful experiences which followed the seperation and divorce I can say that time does heal.. but again, it was made lighter by leaning on my Heavenly Father and I gained alot of relief through expressing it in writing. There is something very comforting in the process of creative expression. I did alot of reading too.. and ran across alot of things that had a big impact so I started a quote book and wrote many of them down..they can be powerful too.."who would have thought my shriveled heart could have recovered its greeness." Going "through" changed me.. I grew and I learned in a way that I would not have without the painful experience. But Heavenly Father does come to you... keep expressing yourself in your writing, it will heal you in a way that nothing else will.
ReplyDeleteGina A.
Blogging is definitely good for the soul, and sushi always helps!
ReplyDeleteDanni
okay, there's more to say... are you surprised??
ReplyDeleteIt's just your blog took me back to the time I thought my pain would crush me.. as for guilt and self forgiveness, even though I had no choice ( at least I really believe I didn't) unless I was going to be destroyed and finally felt like my kids would be too.. my ex did not want to be abusive I really believe that, but he wouldn't get help. but by leaving I felt like I hurt my kids and I watched my ex's pain too. I took on everyone's pain and that was worse that caused so much guilt in me. I would relieve those scenes over and over. The only real answer to forgiving yourself is the Atonement. It's too big to do yourself. I could get past the other pain but not that. No matter how much the bishop told me, it wouldn't stop those feelings.. I realized through all this that if I didn't let go and forgive myself then I was not truly accepting his sacrifice for me. Believe me, the Savior does not want you to live with that feeling.. it's destructive and will eat you up.
Then as soon as I feel like I was getting beyond this, something terrible happened to one of my children and I had to fight in a way I never thought I would.. again, prayer. I don't know how I did it..He carried me I guess. I have so many things that I wrote, really dark things that remind me of the place I was in, and I promise you that as you go through this and pray about it and write it down, get it out on paper, it won't be long and you will turn and realize it's behind you and you have a life again, a happy life. There is a reason you became interested in writing...it came when you most needed it. Your friend, Gina A
Well, All I can say is that you have some very good thoughts, inspirations, and opinions here. Being through somewhat of what you went thru, less a few years of marriage and 2 less kids.....You have to know that you are forgiven. My biggest concern was that my child would be punished for something I did. And he will be. He has to live a life of a single parent household. I will always wonder if I was able to give him everything that he has really needed. I am always second guessing myself wondering if I did the right thing. However, I know I did the right thing. I did alot of reading when I was going through my divorce and the first years afterwards. One of the most important things that I read was that you have to get to know who you are again. My books suggested that after the divorce is final, due to most all of the drama that is going on during that time, you should wait atleast a year before you even start dating. you have to get to know the real you again. The independent Jamie. The one without the other half, the one without the frustrations and trials going on. You have to become you again. Once you become you and figure out who you are and how you can be content, then is the time to step out and start to date. I believe that one of the reasons this statement is so true is that when a person is married, they are use to taking care of or becoming dependent on the other person. Even for the littlest things that you don't realize. Just the conversation. If you date too soon, you can fall into the dependent trap and need someone just for comfort when it is really not the right one. One other thing that I learned, and has come true in ever situation that I have seen, the first one after the divorce is NEVER the right one. Good Luck with that....hope you don't mind my opinion and input. As you know, I am very opinionated!! Sharon
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