Questions And Fears

I wonder what she sees in me
When she looks into my soul
With eyes that weaken my knees

Do I melt her heart with pride
When my arms wrap around her
And hold her gently by my side

Does she see the way I feel
When I look into my own soul
Having questions to what is real

How can she love me so
When I haven't much to give
And so much still to grow

I try to have faith and carry on
But it's a heavy burden to bare
As I wander quietly along

For when I look into those eyes
And see deep into her soul
It's my beating heart that cries

For I'm afraid I'll awake one day
And see her light has gone
As she had silently slipped away

Loss For Words

I wish
There were words

To discribe 

How I feel about

You 

I would take
Them
And create the 

Most beautiful 

Poem 

Sing them in a

Song

Whisper them softly

Into your ear

Leaving goosebumps

On your 

Skin

As they move

From your
Head 

To your
Toes

And when they
Reach Your
Heart

Your whole soul

Will know 

That you are

Loved

With Great Hope

I think of her all the time
Not a moment goes by
All the hours in the day
She is on my mind

I wake up and she's  here
I fall asleep and she's here
When I walk around town
She is everywhere

The blue in her eyes
The hair on her back
The sweet smell of her neck
My senses under attack

Then there's that voice
Oh that sweet sound
It's addicting I know
Not another will be found

I long to hear her
To smell her
To touch her
To be with her

Being without her is lonely
But I do what I can
I do it with great hopes
To again be her man

A Moment Of Gratitude

I am not sure what to write here. I have very mixed emotions at this time so trying to find the right words seems hard at the moment. Some moments I feel amazing. Some times very sad. I'm so tired of being sad. This whole year has so far been a beautiful one yet at the same time very ugly. I look back over the last six months of this year and wonder how it has gone so fast. Seems like yesterday I was ringing in the new year. I remember not knowing what to expect for this year. I had some goals in mind that I wanted to achieve and some things I wanted to do. I know I have time left to accomplish those things but I better get a move on. 

My only New Years resolution this year was to be able to stand in front of a mirror at the end of the year and look myself square in the eyes and say "See, I told you so!" What I meant by that was I wanted to be able to prove to myself that I can do whatever I set my mind to. It was kind of a booster of my self worth if you will. I had no expectations. No plans. Just a desire to do something that made me feel good. Something that I can show my kids that anything is possible. I still have an idea on what that is and I only have six more months to get it into action. I won't say here what that is here but eventually I'll post how it all turns out. 

So now I lay here in bed. I hear the crickets chirping out of my window and the gentle breeze of my ceiling fan is blowing on my exposed skin. It feels wonderful. I have so many things to be thankful for. I own my home. I'm in pretty good shape. My kids know that I love them and they love me. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by it all though. Fear of not being a better provider or teacher. Always thinking that my kids failures are my failures I'm not a perfect dad but when my kids wrap their rms around me and show compassion for me I get a bit puffed up. I love them unconditionally. 

I have not taken the time needed lately to count my many blessings. The Lord had been merciful to me and I feel his presence near me in time if trial and heartache. My patriarchal blessings says that I will have many trials and tribulations in life but with the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost as a guide for my life I will constantly make the right choices no matter which path I may trod. That tells me that no matter what I do in life that I will have help along the way. How grateful I am for that. 

I don't say it very often except in my own prayers but I am thankful for my Hevenly Father. I know he is real. I know he knows me as I have had countless experiences where I know he was guiding me. I do not know what lay in store for me. I hope I have many years on this earth left to enjoy. To enjoy my children and their children. I hope to remarry. I do not want to be alone the rest of my life. I am confidant though that Heaveky Father knows what's best for me. Maybe I should say "who's" best for me. All I can do is remain faithful and be believing. Some days it's easy. Some days it's very hard. But I know for a fact that it will all be worth it. 

Photo Of You

All I have is a photo of you
And deep embedded memories
Of a time we spent together
When everything was so free

Walking in our wonderland
Where earth and time stood still
Singing songs of love unfained
Testing our every will

I have never felt a love like this
The kind you hear about in songs
Making our journey with hand in hand
Knowing this is where we belong

Now I'm not so sure anymore
As your image fades away
I am here and you are there
Feeling lonely everyday

I wish I could express to you
The way my broken heart has healed
Even though I was lost and afraid
I will not deny the way I feel

I know I'm not alone with you
My heart tells me so
Wondering if it's me you want
Or if you're gently letting me go

I do not know where this will end
I only know where I want to be
Sitting together and growing old
Gazing at photos of you and me

Some Simple Things

Here are some simple things that makes me happy and in no particular order.

The compassionate acts of my children.
The random text that says, "Hey. How are you?"
Air conditioner
That one testimony from a member at church that brings a tear to my eye.
Love pat on the butt.
A clean home
A shoulder to cry on
New socks
The Atonement
Finding forgotten money.
Repentance
Friends
A quiet home
My children laughing hysterically
Wrapped up in a blanket in a cold room
The hoot of an owl
This blog
A hand to hold


These are just a small amount of things that bring me immense joy. Some may sound silly but I have reasons for them. All of those on this list has helped me find my way in life when I have been down. It doesn't take much for me to be happy. I'm a simple man really. I may not have everything in the world but everything I have means the world to me.

Thanks for reading.

Faith

I must have faith. There are too many miracles in this world to simply believe there are none for me.