There's a song that I sing.
Some say it's a beautiful thing.
Lyrics from my heart.
Music from my soul.
Wrapped together and never torn apart.
Do you understand me?
Are your eyes open to see?
Do we dance in time?
Stand close to my side.
Put your hand in mine.
I belong to you.
You belong to me.
You long to be with me.
I long to be with you.
You say what I think.
I hear what you speak.
Those magical moments.
Never in doubt.
Forever unspoken.
There's a song that you sing.
It is a beautiful thing.
Lyrics from your heart.
Music to my soul.
Wrapped together and never torn apart.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
The Day I Became A Nerd (Originally written June 27th, 2009)
Ever watch the TV show "The Big Bang Theory"? By far the funniest show on the boob tube, in my opinion. The main characters are a bunch of comic book reading, science loving, Star Wars fanatic nerds. When I come across people, guys mostly, who are entrapped with a book in a public place, I think of the characters from that show. I don't know why. I'm sure they are good, respectable human beings. But to me they just come across as nerdy. What are you doing at the mall sitting on a bench reading a book? Go home and read. I never, ever, found a book so interesting that I would take it out of the house to read it. Then again, I don't read much books IN the house either.
Anyway, today I became nerdy. Facing the idea of sitting in a laundry mat waiting for my clothes to wash, rinse, spin and tumble dry without anything to do made my skin crawl. So I decided to take a book. What book? Telling Stories by Joyce Carol Oats. Hey, I spent nineteen dollars on that book on Ebay for this class I better get some use of it.
Flipping through its pages I came across a story called "The Naked Lady" by Madison Smartt Bell, pg 160. It's a short story, which is perfect for me and those of us with A.D.D. I began. It didn't take long for me to realize that this writer had the worst grammar in the history of writers. If this person can write a story so could I, I thought to myself. I kept reading. Slowly but surely her story started to play out in my mind. It was a man telling the story so I had to give the man a voice inside my head. Based on the incorrect grammar and poor choice of words, this long bearded, over-all wearing, toothless hillbilly popped into my head. Read it. You'll know what I mean.
The story gripped me. I couldn't put the book down even though my clothes had just finished the spin cycle and were waiting to be put in the dryer. The characters were brought to life. I could hear them, see them, smell their liquor, laugh when they laughed (which made a few heads turn in the laundry mat). All in all it was a very entertaining story.
My point to this is yes we have so many modern technologies that have changed the way and will continue to change the way we get entertained. With the click of a mouse we have the world at our fingertips. Cell phones are not just for talking to someone anymore, you can find out if your favorite team won that day or take a picture and send it to all of your friends in the matter of seconds. But for me, and for all those other nerds out there, who have their heads buried in a book somewhere have found piece. Piece in knowing that that book in our hands can take us to places that no cell phone or Blackberry can possibly take us. We might be sitting in a mall or in a laundry mat but our minds are in a galaxy, far far away.
Anyway, today I became nerdy. Facing the idea of sitting in a laundry mat waiting for my clothes to wash, rinse, spin and tumble dry without anything to do made my skin crawl. So I decided to take a book. What book? Telling Stories by Joyce Carol Oats. Hey, I spent nineteen dollars on that book on Ebay for this class I better get some use of it.
Flipping through its pages I came across a story called "The Naked Lady" by Madison Smartt Bell, pg 160. It's a short story, which is perfect for me and those of us with A.D.D. I began. It didn't take long for me to realize that this writer had the worst grammar in the history of writers. If this person can write a story so could I, I thought to myself. I kept reading. Slowly but surely her story started to play out in my mind. It was a man telling the story so I had to give the man a voice inside my head. Based on the incorrect grammar and poor choice of words, this long bearded, over-all wearing, toothless hillbilly popped into my head. Read it. You'll know what I mean.
The story gripped me. I couldn't put the book down even though my clothes had just finished the spin cycle and were waiting to be put in the dryer. The characters were brought to life. I could hear them, see them, smell their liquor, laugh when they laughed (which made a few heads turn in the laundry mat). All in all it was a very entertaining story.
My point to this is yes we have so many modern technologies that have changed the way and will continue to change the way we get entertained. With the click of a mouse we have the world at our fingertips. Cell phones are not just for talking to someone anymore, you can find out if your favorite team won that day or take a picture and send it to all of your friends in the matter of seconds. But for me, and for all those other nerds out there, who have their heads buried in a book somewhere have found piece. Piece in knowing that that book in our hands can take us to places that no cell phone or Blackberry can possibly take us. We might be sitting in a mall or in a laundry mat but our minds are in a galaxy, far far away.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
The Sun Is Rising
When I was a kid, about ten or eleven, I remember having a hard time sleeping the night before Easter. That was kind of a rough time for me. My parents had just split up and things were very crazy around the house. As I was laying in bed I was thinking about things that a boy that age shouldn't have to be thinking about. Tossing and turning and feeling a bit lost. I decided that the only way I was going to get any sleep was if I went and crawled into bed with my mom. Mom always had a way of making me feel protected and loved. Which is what I needed at that time. I crept into her room which was dark but because it was a warm night her window was open and just enough light pierced the room so I could see my way to her bed. Mom was on her usual side of the bed. Still not used to sleeping by herself I guess. Not realizing that she had the whole bed to herself now. I slipped in the bed and pulled the covers over me and snuggled up to mom. Mom, now realizing I was there next to her, reached her loving arm around me and tucked me in. And all felt right again in life.
Mom's bed that year was right up against her window. Her headboard was made of metal bars, not solid, so when you laid in bed you could look out the window. This made the perfect setting for a teaching opportunity that I would not recognize until I reached adulthood and had a greater understanding of life. As we laid there in bed the sun began to rise. The dark of the night seemed to just slip away and the beautiful dark blue sky turned all kinds of bright colors. Yellow, orange, purple and blue. Before you knew it the brightness of the sun started to illuminate everything in it's path. It was Easter morning. Mom, in an attempt to wake me so I could see the majestic sunrise, leaned over to me and said, "Jamie, The sun is rising". I opened my eyes just long enough to see the bright sun and the beautiful array of colors dancing in the sky. "Isn't it amazing"? She asked. Still half asleep I said, "Yeah". Then I rolled over and went back to sleep.
For whatever reason, whether it be of God or just a memory that comes to my mind this time every year, I think about what she said to me to wake me on that beautiful Easter morning. "Jamie, the sun is rising." Yes indeed mom. On that glorious of days, after the worst of days, The Son is rising. Risen to take away all our pains. All of our guilt. All of our worry. Risen to comfort those that stand in need of comfort and mourn with those that mourn. Risen to bring families back together again after this life is over. Risen to make the rest of our days brighter and full of hope and peace.
That morning, as my mind remembers it, was beautiful. It was a brief but powerful learning experience for me. I am grateful for those tiny moments that to this day continue to make an impact on how I live my life. Oh, I am not perfect. I don't have to be. I do what I can and because of that glorious Son rise on that first Easter morning, I will get through this life and on to the next where I will be able to enjoy the companionship of my family forever.
Mom's bed that year was right up against her window. Her headboard was made of metal bars, not solid, so when you laid in bed you could look out the window. This made the perfect setting for a teaching opportunity that I would not recognize until I reached adulthood and had a greater understanding of life. As we laid there in bed the sun began to rise. The dark of the night seemed to just slip away and the beautiful dark blue sky turned all kinds of bright colors. Yellow, orange, purple and blue. Before you knew it the brightness of the sun started to illuminate everything in it's path. It was Easter morning. Mom, in an attempt to wake me so I could see the majestic sunrise, leaned over to me and said, "Jamie, The sun is rising". I opened my eyes just long enough to see the bright sun and the beautiful array of colors dancing in the sky. "Isn't it amazing"? She asked. Still half asleep I said, "Yeah". Then I rolled over and went back to sleep.
For whatever reason, whether it be of God or just a memory that comes to my mind this time every year, I think about what she said to me to wake me on that beautiful Easter morning. "Jamie, the sun is rising." Yes indeed mom. On that glorious of days, after the worst of days, The Son is rising. Risen to take away all our pains. All of our guilt. All of our worry. Risen to comfort those that stand in need of comfort and mourn with those that mourn. Risen to bring families back together again after this life is over. Risen to make the rest of our days brighter and full of hope and peace.
That morning, as my mind remembers it, was beautiful. It was a brief but powerful learning experience for me. I am grateful for those tiny moments that to this day continue to make an impact on how I live my life. Oh, I am not perfect. I don't have to be. I do what I can and because of that glorious Son rise on that first Easter morning, I will get through this life and on to the next where I will be able to enjoy the companionship of my family forever.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
The Jewel In My Dream
An old demon came and knocked on my door. Not knowing it was him I answered. He said "Hello, my friend." I stared and wondered why are you here? He came inside and laid on the table a jewel. It was beautiful. I once had it in my possession but it was taken from me. I must admit I wanted it again. I stood and looked upon it and I almost cried. Oh how I missed you my friend. I want to hold you. Touch you. Feel you wrapped around my heart once more. I reached out hesitantly. Pulled my hand back and forth several times. Do I want it again? What good will this do? I stopped and put my hands in my pockets. I needed all the strength I could muster. The demon became angry with me. "Take it!" He demanded. I just shook my head and said "No." He reluctantly picked up his jewel and headed for the door. I said, "Don't come back. I don't want you anymore." He turned and tempted once more and then he faded away as I awoke from my dream.
Oh how I wish these dreams would stop waking me from my sleep. I have moved on but when you appear again I doubt my strength. You nearly destroyed me but that has made me stronger. I am still weak but I know all things are possible. Just leave me be demons. Just leave me be.
Oh how I wish these dreams would stop waking me from my sleep. I have moved on but when you appear again I doubt my strength. You nearly destroyed me but that has made me stronger. I am still weak but I know all things are possible. Just leave me be demons. Just leave me be.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
The Dance
Letting go seems to be hard for me. When I see pictures of lost loves happy and busy and moving on in life I wonder why am I not doing the same? It's not that I don't want to. I don't think I know how to. Some people come in our lives for a reason and when they have done what they were supposed to do they leave. I look back on my life before them and wonder if I am better for them being in my life or was it better they never came to me? I remember being sad then. I am sad now. I try not to focus on it but sometimes it just overwhelms me.
They say it's better to love and lost then to never have loved at all. I think I'm still trying to figure that one out. I can't imagine how I would feel now if I didn't have someone to love over these last three years. Maybe she was placed in my life at that time to prevent me from going off the deep end. Maybe I need to not think of it as a break up but as a bridge that was built before me to move me from one part of my life to another. Where would I be now if it weren't for her? I probably would have lost out on so many wonderful things. Like holding hands. Being kissed in the rain. Being told I was loved. Although things did not work out between us I at least had the chance to dance.
Reminds me of the Garth Brooks song: The Dance
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance.
Yes, I would have lost out on so many things had she not been in my life. I'm thankful that she was. Still can't help but to be sad that I have to start over. Be alone. Wonder what the next possibilities are. She's going to have to be one hell of a woman though. My last one was amazing. She is on a mighty pedestal and will take a lot for her to brought down. I know it will happen. I just hope it is soon. I must move on even though I miss her terribly. I miss holding her hand. I miss her kiss. And I really miss our dance.
They say it's better to love and lost then to never have loved at all. I think I'm still trying to figure that one out. I can't imagine how I would feel now if I didn't have someone to love over these last three years. Maybe she was placed in my life at that time to prevent me from going off the deep end. Maybe I need to not think of it as a break up but as a bridge that was built before me to move me from one part of my life to another. Where would I be now if it weren't for her? I probably would have lost out on so many wonderful things. Like holding hands. Being kissed in the rain. Being told I was loved. Although things did not work out between us I at least had the chance to dance.
Reminds me of the Garth Brooks song: The Dance
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance.
Yes, I would have lost out on so many things had she not been in my life. I'm thankful that she was. Still can't help but to be sad that I have to start over. Be alone. Wonder what the next possibilities are. She's going to have to be one hell of a woman though. My last one was amazing. She is on a mighty pedestal and will take a lot for her to brought down. I know it will happen. I just hope it is soon. I must move on even though I miss her terribly. I miss holding her hand. I miss her kiss. And I really miss our dance.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Goodnight Love
Goodnight love. You will be in my thoughts. My prayers. My heart.
I've watched you all day and wish we weren't apart.
I wake up with you. I sleep with you. I laugh with you.
You are with me only in my dreams. I am lonely without you.
Where did you go today? Who did you speak to? Are you alone?
My heart says no. It brings a chill to my bones.
Why not me? Am I not good enough? To be the reason for your smile?
You held my hand. Kissed my lips. Filled my life. But only for a little while.
I hang my head down low. Cry a few tears. Bang my fist upon the floor.
Scream your name in agony. Breathe deeply. Hide behind my door.
If only you could see. With eyes that are not shut. Feel me and see.
I am real. I am me. At first that was enough. But now you let me be.
With fear and reluctance I continue on. I cannot, I will not be sad anymore.
For there is one out there. Happy. Loving. Beautiful. To which I will always adore.
I've watched you all day and wish we weren't apart.
I wake up with you. I sleep with you. I laugh with you.
You are with me only in my dreams. I am lonely without you.
Where did you go today? Who did you speak to? Are you alone?
My heart says no. It brings a chill to my bones.
Why not me? Am I not good enough? To be the reason for your smile?
You held my hand. Kissed my lips. Filled my life. But only for a little while.
I hang my head down low. Cry a few tears. Bang my fist upon the floor.
Scream your name in agony. Breathe deeply. Hide behind my door.
If only you could see. With eyes that are not shut. Feel me and see.
I am real. I am me. At first that was enough. But now you let me be.
With fear and reluctance I continue on. I cannot, I will not be sad anymore.
For there is one out there. Happy. Loving. Beautiful. To which I will always adore.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
I'm In Heaven (These are lyrics to a song.)
When I hear you say my name.
When your hand touches mine.
I feel my heart skip a beat.
Can it be that you're mine.
The lovely smile upon your face.
Brings joy to my soul.
Knowing that you're with me.
Will never take it's toll.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
When you're standing next to me.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
It's where I want to be.
Times have gotten harder.
There's doubt in the air.
I don't know if we'll make it.
Sometimes it's hard to bare.
Come with me. Sing with me.
Laugh with me. Stay.
One day at a time they say.
With you I'll wait and see.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
When you're standing next to me.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
It's where I want to be.
Looking back upon our lives.
And the struggles we went through.
Not a single day went by my love
I didn't want to be with you.
We'll be together forever my love.
to our end from our birth.
One thing that I am grateful for
Was our heaven on earth.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
When you're standing next to me.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
It's where I want to be.
When your hand touches mine.
I feel my heart skip a beat.
Can it be that you're mine.
The lovely smile upon your face.
Brings joy to my soul.
Knowing that you're with me.
Will never take it's toll.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
When you're standing next to me.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
It's where I want to be.
Times have gotten harder.
There's doubt in the air.
I don't know if we'll make it.
Sometimes it's hard to bare.
Come with me. Sing with me.
Laugh with me. Stay.
One day at a time they say.
With you I'll wait and see.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
When you're standing next to me.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
It's where I want to be.
Looking back upon our lives.
And the struggles we went through.
Not a single day went by my love
I didn't want to be with you.
We'll be together forever my love.
to our end from our birth.
One thing that I am grateful for
Was our heaven on earth.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
When you're standing next to me.
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
Heaven.
It's where I want to be.
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